Session 1 This session, Egdar: - Was arrested at a fancy inn for looking too much like a cultist of an evil god - Was imprisoned for drunkenly admitting that he was, in fact, a cleric of an evil god but that doesn't make make him evil, damnit - Was thrown into a ship's brig - Shared a drink with some dragon-looking f*cker and a snarky rogue - Punched a guard in the head very, very hard - Very slowly chewed through some chains with his symbiotic acids - Got his posessions back after the rogue killed the armoury guards - Very slowly stole a barrel of rum - Heard some demented little girl antagonise the guards down the hall - Stabilised the dragonpirate after he got carved up - Threw protective goo armour at the rogue - Attempted to will ooze into eating a guard alive but failed miserably - Helped carry dragonpirate to a seat and fed him whatever pills smelled best - Patched him up and poured some rum into his mouth - Staggered up to the top deck to find psycho infant fighting with the captain - Begrudgingly patched up the captain after he gave the party bearings to the nearest neutral port - Put him in the brig - Came back up and did nothing as the ship was renamed "The Rumgone". - "K'Pan, take the helm! We be sailin' for Hovale!" Session 2 This session, Egdar: - Obtained a fancy captain's hat - Got bored on a long voyage - Went fishing - Swallowed a whole salmon - Tied a harpoon to a rope and asked who had the highest STR - Encouraged Sokolov to go check out the Death Ship - Was asked if he had any food - Regurgitated a whole salmon, intact - Successfully threw a salmon between two ships - Heard painful sounds and shimmied over the rope to investigate - Attempted to console a haunted half-naked raid survivor - Found a letter - Found an emoji rock and pretended not to know it was a Sending Stone - Listened to the rock - Talked to the rock - Panicked as someone talked back and had Sokolov read the letter while he stalled - Was asked about a distress call from the Death Ship and, hoping to avoid an encounter with backup, said that the raid had been successfully repelled - Discovered a Wizard's Guild contract to obtain "Basilisk Blood" - Thinking of his financial security as a now-fugitive, attempted to pass himself off as a member of the now-dead contracted adventuring party - Gave the game away by referring to buying the blood on the black market rather than hunting down a live basilisk (how was he to know?) - Discovered the bodies of the party, including a cleric of an unknown order - Picked up the naked man ("Jim") and glued him to his back with tendrils while he climbed back to the Rumgon - Gave him a drink and put him to bed - Saw a Kraken and told it to f*ck off in Deep Speech - Saw everyone shooting at a panicked crewmember drawing attention to the ship so joined in with a lazy Toll the Dead - Asked why he was required to identify himself at an extralegal pirate port - Introduced himself as a comrade of Sokolov and K'pan's nonetheless - Accepted a drink from a rumbending Genasi - Agreed to help Johnathan with his personal vendetta while he was waiting for the outlaw situation to cool off Session 3 This session, Egdar: - Woke up with a supernatural Djinn rum hangover - Pulled a half-comatose Sokolov out of bed - Joined the others downstairs for morning rum - Took some rum for the road - Went to the port to check that the Rumgon crew hadn't sailed off with it - Consulted the shipyard foreman about repairs - Watched Johnathan negotiate free repairs in return for a cargo run to the Elven lands - Was informed that the ship wouldn't be seaworthy until the next day - Drank rum - Left with time to kill, asked about other work - Was shown two letters, to "Richmond" and "Greenbeard", and two casks of rum for the inn - Watched K'pan nobly take the rum and leave - Drank some rum and waited for him to come back - Swaggered into town with the others and attempted to find out where Richmond lives - Asked a large man about Richmond as the others were all too drunk to even see straight - Was helpfully told to "go down the dark alley towards the old abandoned house" - Walked into some kind of vampire ghetto where the streets have boarded ceilings to keep the sun out - Found the house - Watched K'pan impatiently kick the door in - Had a brief and unhelpful conversation with a haggard and scarred Duergar - Wearily gave him his letter and left - Attempted to put the door fragments back into their frame but gave up - Drank rum - Squinted at Greenbeard's letter and discovered that it actually had an address on it: "3rd Tooth, Giant Skull" - Looked up and saw a giant skull on the edge of town - Watched Johnathan, having suspicions about Greenbeard, open, read then magically reaseal the letter - Was read something about an ancient sea monster or something - Half-listened to some trauma involving the kidnap of Johnathan's family and Greenbeard's potential involvement - Found Greenbeard's tooth house and banged on his door - Stepped aside to allow Johnathan to do the talking and immediatedly fell backwards - Spaced out on the floor while Greenbeard, an orc with a lot of broken bones, explained something that was probably important - Got the gist that Greenbeard wasn't such a bad guy and that Richmond was the real problem - Drank rum - Staggered back to Richmond's hovel and tried to kick where the door used to be, fell flat on his face - Informed Richmond that they were here to beat him up because Johnathan had a score to settle - Blessed everyone with the power of ooze even though Sokolov was still slumped outside trying to stay awake - Got up, charged at Richmond and maced him in the head - Fled falling earth as Johnathan did dirt wizard stuff - Lost Richmond in the dust as they turned invisible - Felt his ooze sniff him out and lash wildly in his direction - Saw Richmond blink back into existence as he was hit in the head by a falling rock or something - Slapped some adrenal slime onto his chest to stabilise him for later interrogation - Drank rum - Rummaged through Richmond's stuff and found a warpick - Wandered around his lair and found entrails laid all over for divinitation, a lot of Dwarven writing in blood and some experimental drugs - Was told that he was some kind of slaver and drug lord or something and that the writing was a prophecy about the return of some spooky thing and how surface people were arseholes - Watched K'pan grab the unconscious Duergar and went back to the Rumgon - Was advised by the foreman not to kill him and disrupt the local drug economy - Threw him in the brig and spaced out again while Johnathan asked some important-sounding questions - Saw everyone kicking him for fun and joined in - Stablised him again and left him unconscious back in his house - Explained to a curious party that the debt was settled but that anyone looking to pick a fight with the Rumgon Crew would be similarly disciplined - Went back to the foreman to get paid for the deliveries - Was informed that it was actually more of a community errand and that nobody got paid to do it - Shrugged and went back to the inn - Discovered that K'pan had, in fact, actually delivered the rum and that the first round was on the house in lieu of payment - Asked the genasi barkeep Matthews about the monster, the prophecy, the warnings and omens - Was told the "monster" was in fact a rogue ship not of this plane, crewed by rabid orcs and scarring all that cross its path - Raised a toast to some dead guy called Swain and drank at the table until he passed out Session 4 This session, Egdar: - Woke up with his face stuck to a bar table, having spent the night inspecting Richmond's prophetic ramblings and experimental notes - Was prodded up by Johnathan and went out to get some air - Went down to the port with the others to check on the Rumgon - Saw the town crier announce a call for information on the upcoming eclipse from Necromancer Lazarus, and today's execution - Watched an undercover Adventurer's Guild agent be keelhauled into a meaty pulp - Decided it was probably best to get off the island for a while - Went to see Lazarus first because lemon tea was purportedly on offer and his head hurt - Saw a flesh golem carrying a panicked girl into the giant skull pirate HQ - Watched K'Pan kick in the door in trademark fashion - Was greeted by an affable necromancer as the golem locked the girl away in the back room - Explained to Lazarus that they'd been settling a historical dispute with Richmond and found correspondence pertaining to a demon ship Noamuth and its attempted summoning on the eve of the eclipse - Felt uncomfortable as Lazarus sniffed around his face and asked to taste his slime - Begrudgingly jizzed some flubber from his finger into his wine glass - After being assured confidence, showed Lazarus the notes and allowed him to copy them - Inquired after the girl and was told that she was a thief sentenced to execution and that he would likely reduce her body to pure water via a multistage magical process - Quietly put down the lemon tea he had been drinking - Bid Lazarus a good day, asking him to keep an open mind to any future inquiries they might have - Scorned the absent Sokolov, who could probably have freed the girl undetected and questioned her if he weren't in bed grossly hungover - Moseyed back towards the port with the others, amid various whispers and gossip from the townsfolk - Saw a rock come flying and crack K'Pan in the head - Being in a bad mood already, span around and Toll the Dead'd the hooded figure in the back of his fleeing head - Watched the figure fall to their knees and gag as they took a nauseating 2 necrotic damage - Witnessed some clan dispute between K'Pan and the assaulting dragonborn, before they skittered off - Rocked up to the docks and realised they needed a crew for this contract - Scraped together a crew of 5 or so drunken scallywags - Got the rest of the shipping contract and boarded the Rumgon - Was approached by Naked Jim, who said he wanted to learn how to fight - Referred Jim to K'Pan but said to come to him if he needed medical attention - Set sail - Enjoyed good weather for the first day; Johnathan studied his books, K'Pan "drove the boat", Jim had some major glowup and nearly killed one of the new crew in a spar - Accidentally caught a fishman, discussed upcoming currents and appropriate navigation, and invited him to stay for dinner Session 5 This session, Egdar: - Watched his new friend Phillet swim while he read up on Richmond's blood magic notes - Entered port and with K'Pan immediately exposed how little they knew about their cargo - After two minutes of looking for their contact, got bored and allowed K'Pan to announce illegal drugs for sale - Was hurriedly taken aside by the neighbourhood watch and urged to try through the woods behind town - Called down Naked Jim and Cuththroat Pete or something to carry the crate - Immediately got lost in the woods - Inspected the forest floor and instantly, unhelpfully identified deer sh*t - Walked up to a cliff and pondered the next move - Yelled as the rocks below gave way - Saved himself and K'Pan by his ooze lashing out and snagging a tree - Drew on its strength to heave up himself and K'Pan by the hand - Was taunted by some elf prat about how they'd blundered into his trap - Heckled him - Threw a rope up to the boys and climbed back up - Explained that they just wanted to get out of the forest, deliver their cargo and go home - Allowed the elf prat to guide them through the woods - Encountered a dwarf hermit and a derelict war machine: a sort of tree-felling, road-paving truck - Asked if he knew anywhere with a bad reputations - Was pointed to a copse of trees and warned not to give his name - Heard odd "clopping" noises in the bushes - Approached a talking tree to find an anthropomorphic rabbit - Watched him blindfold himself and say that he would have to find an unconventional way to repay them for the delivery - Carefully backed up in case this was a sex thing - In a rare display of heeding advice, declined to give his name - Said that whatever payment given better be good and/or alcoholic - Waited while rabbitman bounced back into his tree and began to toss out various fey spirits and liquors - Allowed K'Pan to seize the most dangerous ones and picked up a couple of others - On the way back, was told about a sinister drow seen creeping around muttering about the eclipse by the "dwarmit" - Explained the Noamuth conspiracy, and how little they really knew - Disappointed the dwarf - Explained a bit more to Edgy Elf Guide, who asked if Egdar would accompany them to the local library to translate some undercommon literature - Shrugged and said okay - Sang pirate songs all the way home Writing this one as a casual greentext to make things a bit easier for myself. Session 6 >Be Egdar: - Squint at a building labelled "Library of Aethen" and deduce that it is some kind of library - Ask the librarian if they have any books on planar incursion - Explain a little too much of the prophecy - Be shown to a dusty, somewhat biased 'forbidden section' on the perilous underdark (but was brought a manual of the planes) - Deduce that Noamuth may be drifting into the material plane from the Shadowfell (bad news) - Be told by the libarian of a lost shipment of helpful books: explosive alchemy, planar manuals and a bit of erotica - Hear that the merchants responsible were having trouble trading due to anti-dwarf embargoes across the elven lands - Hearing that the librarian's ADHD meds were also failing to get through, offer her their smuggling services (and some Backwards Beer) - Fail to be distracted by what appeared to be some kind of anxious "hey, look over there!" routine - Can't ascertain what the librarian's angle is, shrug, ask for the bottle back and leave - Look up at the moon and feel a very disconcerting presence, as if the red light were beaming through from another plane. It's been weeks since this 'eclipse' started. - Follow Thaimor to the port to see if the dwarvern merchant ship might have been shanghaied or otherwise held up - Be told it sounded like there was party happening on the lower decks - Instantly start clambering up the side of the ship - Discover some very rowdy, drunken dwarves - Assess that there are too many open barrels to spike - Devise a CUNNING PLAN - Approach them openly and announce the fey Blackout Stout - Boast of its potency, but lie that it becomes more euphorically intoxicating the more people drink it at the same time - Take a swig to prove it is safe (it is not safe) - Wince and tank the poisonous effects - Performance is terrible but audience is trashed, net success - Pour some out for all the boys, K'pan, self - Call for a toast, receieve various responses - All drink - Tank poison barely, brain melts slightly - K'pan keels over - Boat ducks into the water as 20 stout dwarves hit the deck in unison - Revive K'pan with Backwards Beer - Immediately helps himself to the bar - Watch K'pan draw breath, holler across the harbour to come help loot the ship - Search for the most captain-y looking dwarf, rummage through his pockets - Find a few bits of Dwarven documentaion, crew listings, travel journal - Ask Woodleg Walter to translate - Confirms that shipment got lost in forest - mfw entire session spent confirming information we already knew - Take Rumgon to nearest grotto to lay low until the dwarves leave port Session 7: "Vaporeon f*ckery is Canon" >Be Egdar: >Helping crew carry crates back from dorf ship >Approached by brooding enby firbolg >"I AM STRONG, I SEEK TO MENTOR THEE IN THE WAYS OF SLAUGHTER." >cool_story_bro.jpg >"If you're so strong, you can help us with this cargo, we gotta haul ass before the dwarvern search party come back for their ship" >Shadow the Firbolg demonstrates invisibility magic >To K'pan: "OK, this guy is a bit nuts, but since Sokolov left we have been needing a spy. Let's give him a shot." >Set sail >Thamior's knowledge of the land proves useful and gets the Rumgon safely to a hidden grotto >Night passes >Halfway through breakfast rum when the ship's wheel starts rattling, then some hunk of metal falls out of the cargo hold and into the water >It unfurls and wades up to the beach, turns around and identifies as a autognomoton or something >Claims to be seeking purpose and employment, and to be optimised for statistical analysis and accounting >"OK, well, do you read Dwarven? Because I have an exhaustive crew manifest that I'm not sober or boring enough to read without falling asleep. We're looking for anything about the circumstances, motives, associations with cultists, whatever." >Read contract while the calculator chews through the manifest >Nothing of note >Sigh, finish rum >Thamior: "Hey come see this" >Evidence of campsite up hillside a bit along the coast >We've moved south, the couriers and their valuable cargo of books went south >Could be them >"Alright, let's go." >Coward robot hides behind Egdar's supreme thiccness >Edgebolg cricks neck and follows along with party >Thamior scouts ahead and explores camp >what_do_your_elf_eyes_see.webm >Evidence of a struggle, campers fleeing, others being dragged into bushes >Thamior gets sus and unloads a few arrows into the bushes >They clatter and tinkle as they pass straight through into a hidden cave >"I'm guessing the dwarves didn't see that, either." >Shield: Up | Mace: Drawn | Slime: Glowing >Enter cave, immediately see mauled-up dead dorf with what seem to be eggs implanted in chest >Mechagnome identifies them as carrion crawler eggs >Egdar remembers reading somewhere that they take about 3 weeks to hatch, so no immediate danger >Party pocket them, hoping for cute pets and/or guard animals >Follow trail of blood and viscera into cave >Firbolg warlock hangs back to prepare "ritual" >Turn around to find corpses arranged, surrounded by patterns of stones, wreathed in green flame >Warlock is chanting about the power of Therizdun, all-consuming eye of chaos >lolwut.jpg >"Sir, we only honour one all-consuming blob deity in this household, and their name is Ghaunadaur. Or Juiblex." >Thamior is disgusted by the raw evil >Locke the gnomebot is concerned by the waste of valuable samples >K'Pan is shocked by the open contempt for harmless innocents >Egdar is offended by the challenge to Ghaunadaur's authority over the domain of omnicide >you_got_the_whole_squad_laughing.png >K'pan lunges and chops off a chunk of arm >Locke follows with a sedative spell >Edgelock hits the floor, knocks head on rocks >Out cold >"Right, let's just tie them up and interrogate them later. They might be something to do with the cult, but we shouldn't hang around here." >Press on and leave Mosh quietly bleeding to death Session 8: "This is so sad, Alexa eat the corpse" >Be Egdar: >Continuing into evil blood cave >Thamior nopes out and goes to keep watch instead >Big alcove contains crates and what looks like sausages >They are sausages >Crates contain a few bits of junk, a lot of merchant documentation, some alchemist's homebrew, and some tasteful erotic portraiture (with authentic signature) >Mechagnome spots a small passage >Everyone squeezes in >Room looks pretty cultish, more entrails spread about for divining the future, undercommon notes everywhere raving about Noamuth, the moon etc. >Notes make ominous reference to something significant happening in about 3 months >K'pan finds some dryad piss explosives and drinks it >Suffers minor internal explosion but he's dragonborn so just burps a bit of fire >Explain Noamuth situation to Locke >He picks open a chest and finds what looks like the pertinent books that the librarian wanted >Also contains instructions for trapping adventurers >Turn around to find passage entrance now blocked by wooden plank >Removing it releases carrion crawler from hidden trapdoor in ceiling >Locke steps forwards and starts communing with the thing >lolwut.jpg >Crawler doesn't know much but agrees to let us pass >Continue to rear chamber, glowing shield first >Literally just a massive mound of festering corpses positively boiling with larvae >So transfixed by the scene that you don't register that you've been stabbed in the chest >Some scarred-up drow lady >Ask if she's a doomsday cultist >She says no, she just killed the dwarves for ancient race war reasons (and to feed her pets) >Discussing the state of the moon when some noble-looking berk walks in announcing himself as Velen >Investigating the area on behalf of the dwarven merchants' guild or some sh*t >Nothing more to see, grab chest of books and dodge >Drow lady wants to meet with a pirates' guild representative for some reason >Velen just wants information >Sure, come along, whatever, no fighting with the crew >Head back to Rumgon, Thamior joins us along the way >Weigh anchor, K'pan steers us back towards Aethen >Dwarven ship is still there >F u c k >Oh wait we have a rogue now >Send Velen to go find out if there's any crew on board >Seems to find one guard and promptly distract him >Nonchalantly dock, disembark and have Naked Jim and Ripper "Stabby Pete" Jack carry the chest through town to the library >Books about summoning, Shadowfel, ancient history etc. >Librarian is satisfied, lets us take the books back for a little while >Lol OK, we're pirates bro >Velen isn't on the Rumgon when we get back >Wait 15 minutes >"OK he's dead, let's go" >Comes storming up gangplank as we ready to leave >Has information >OK cool, let's go before the dwarves find us though >sea_shanty_2.mp3 Session 9 [Catchup]: "That's not what 'poop deck' means" >Be Egdar: >At sea, all aboard, en route back to Hovale >idle_fishing.mp4 >Catch barrcuda >Swallow barracuda >Scan through the acquired books for info on passage between the Shadowfell and the Prime Material >Trying to find out how and where the Noamuth might strike next >Arcana comes looking for one of the looted paintings, wants to modify it somehow >ok lol >Weather is warm and mild >Crawler grubs crawling all over the deck >Sit down and play with them awhile >Cute, also free bait >Wait, did we ever move the former captain's corpse out of the brig? >"SHIP AHOY" >Naked Jim the Lookout has spotted what looks like pirates >Welp, need to pay those bills somehow, they're probably arseholes >You can't play the game without putting your money on the table, they know the rules >Black flag is out which means they're likely already chasing someone >Brief discussion, K'pan is already tilting the ship into a ram before it's over >Oh sh*t this is really happening, we're pirates now >Offer a quick prayer to the Slimelord and seal the Rumgon's prow with a blessed cyan shell >Something on the other ship explodes, couple of guys go flying overboard >Did I do that? :monkaS: >Picking up speed >Rumgon crew are wildin, Naked Jim is already hiding under deck >brace_for_impact.jpg >10/10 captaining >Rumgon floating prison ploughs through pirate caravel, reduces the bow to splinters and nearly tips the thing over >Smiles, ladies, it's showtime >"OiOI! PILE ON, LADS" >Another ship is sighted, rapidly approaching the both of us >f*ck, let's make this quick >Some pirate f*ck with a scimitar comes at me >Guy in a big hat ropeswings towards K'pan but slams into the mast >Some half-blind oldie lunges for Velen >Alright 2% power sicko mode time >Tendrils wreath me as I chant and disperse blessings across the party >Enemy dragonborn belches flame at us >Tank it like a boss >Slime lashes out with my mace reflexively but withers under the heat >K'pan is swinging and clashing swords against the enemy warrior in very rakish fashion >Velen is cornered, very stressed, and abruptly bursts into a rippling humanoid mass of wolf parts, flesh and fang, fur and claw, howling mouths and drooling tongues >... huh >Well, not one to judge, maybe there's a story behind that >Let's get weird then >Duck to the side, dislocate jaw, swing cranium back and barf forth a torrent of writhing, carnivorous slime >Streaks through the enemy party and catches one pirate clean in the face >In two seconds his head is eroded to a weeping stump >Green cord snaps back and head drops forward with a loose wobble >"Huh, I didn't know I could do that" >Enemy crew flees, dragonborn warrior stands firm >Midway through noble speech when light cuts out and everyone is plunged into magic darkness >sniff.mp3 >Oozes can taste someone new in the air nearby, there's booze and fey spice and a touch of beard must >Lash out towards fleeing dragonborn but hit nothing >Darkness disperses to reveal a laughing orc, Roger Greenbeard (that orc that lived in a tooth) >Brief banter, but we're all professionals, someone has to die >Party runs forward, I pitch in with a few acidic lashes and punches >Roger darts around, dodges attacks and tanks a few shallow wounds >Some distracting emo fairy buzzing around him >Roger pulls one of his preloaded flintlocks and shoots me >Bullet hits chainmail and sinks harmlessly into my stodgy belly >:egdarLUL: >More melee clashing, finally duck into a firm mace swing and crit him so hard that Discord crashes and I go braindead for a second >He's alive, just >Crew whisk him off to the brig >Emo fairy, Katherine, comes to surrender, directs the crew to the cargo hold and asks Egdar to at least patch their ship together with slime so they can limp to Hovale port without drowning >This sh*t is water-soluble but OK lol, try to sail fast >"Time to go, K'pan, a ship in bad shape like this is a beacon for law-enforcement asking questions, and other criminals looking for an easy mark" >Escort the limping ship back to port, seems like a weird thing to do really but they've suffered enough >Dock, leave the happy couple to play the blame game, think about getting a flag commissioned on the way to the Djinnkeeper's >Some quiet pondering of the Noamuth, then time for bed. Session 10 [Catchup]: "Grogistics" >Be Egdar: >Roll out of bed at the Rum Scum, awoken by explosions >Open front door, find burly fishman >Step past him, see more fishfolk out and about (not loacanths) >Town crier steps up in the square to announce quest hooks >1. The blasts were shore defences firing against Adventurer's Guild vigilante ships >2. The fishfolk are Sahuagin mercenaries brought in to help fend off the recently increased attention from law enforcement and bounty seekers >3. Thieves are operating on Hovale; not the normal kind, the kind that steal from the clientele of the Hovalean economy without discretion >4. The criminal Syndicate of Zrale are offering contracts, centred around a 'cleanup' operation at the Wizard University >5. Violent skirmishes with the indigenous population have caused a market crash in the colonial trading port city of Laydrr. Among other things, slaves are being sold off on the cheap >6. Dwarven guilds of Urvul are contracting for a massive expansion in the iron trade, wizards preferred for some reason >7. Back in the Elven lands of Cinderlon, the Dwarven establishment are demanding answers for their missing shipments and political tensions are flaring >8. The open sea has ghosts in it >Party decides that slavery is no bueno and priority #1 is to bust that sh*t up and maybe win some local hearts and minds >Back_to_the_Rumgon.jpg >Wander through the town square, some sort of celebration going on, barrels of beer standing with mugs being handed out >I smell an urchin creeping up for the party's pockets >Nice try, kiddo >Look him in the eyes and let the skin slither from my face, hungry tendrils writhing beneath >Kid laughs nervously but says he's seen a faceless man before >"You'll be faceless yourself if you don't back off." >Kid backpedals quietly, says that Richmond the Duegar has been putting our names about and there's a small price on our heads >Locke goes off to trade our treasures for a Bag of Many Beans >At the docks, a few Adventurer's Guild ships being stripped for salvage >Zynanya the harbourmaster isn't happy about the crawler larvae that we've introduced to the island >Nonetheless, Roger paid up in exchange for his life and the Rumgon is, purportedly, fully seaworthy >Upon inspection the new timbers are the wrong colour and a bit loose but eh, it'll be fine >Crew are all blind drunk >Perfect, let's go Session 11 [Catchup]: "Are we the baddies?" Egdar's Recollection: - sea_shanty_2.mp3 x4 days - Sailing to Laydrr, weather is fine, nothing to do, fishing but not catching much - Decide to go read instead, grab a fresh rum and start with The Anarchist Pyromancer - Overhear some chatter about Drow - "Oh, don't get me started on damned Drow" - "Surface Elves aren't too great either, when a lowly slug needs saving" - Arcana starts sneering and bragging about being a shapeshifter - Hold out palm, manifest dancing ooze homonculus - "Join the club, dear" - Phillet is getting jumpy about the Rumgon's proximity to fishing lanes - Some of the crew are familiar with Laydrr, but none have seen the slave market we're looking for; therefore it's probably part of an underground black market - Some discussion of the Port of Geese - Apparently the crawler grubs got into the meat barrels, so we need to either buy more or get fishing - Jump to it, catch something finally - C O N S U M E - Ship is sighted, colours indicated Merchant's Guild - Raiding them could be profitable, but would be 100% criminal, where so far we were merely shaking down existing thieves - I'm against attacking them, I just want a quiet life - Party is split, I call a vote - Elfy ranger Thamior agrees, but the ayes have it, 3:2 - "f*ck" - "Let's try to keep this a clean job, Thanny." - K'pan moves to ram - "RAISE THE FLAG, JIM" - Maybe we can get them to surrender fast if we're spooky enough - Merchant crew are scrambling to arms - Picking up speed - Wish I'd taken studied that Cleric cantrip that lets you speak at deafening volume - Offer a Deep Speech prayer to Ghaunadaur - ጌሃ ነልርዪቿዕ ነረጎጠቿ ልጎዕ ዐሁዪ ጠጎነነጎዐክ - Stand at the prow and try to negotiate as sternly as possible - No dice, they have Et Somniatores mercenaries on board - K'pan yells to BRACE, BRACE - Rumgon's prow crashes into their bow, causes significant damage - Y'ARRR - Enemy captain is cowering behind the wheel - Give the assembled crew and security the pitch: 50% of their cargo or they'll be slaughtered to the last man - The mercenaries are resolute: death before dishonour - Fair enough - I yell a mighty Command and send their archer and mage grovelling to the floor - Locke casts Vortex Warp and drops the warrior into the ocean - He's in full plate and swims like a brick - Arcana goes beast mode and pounces upon the archer - K'pan bellows some draconic invocation, grows to the size of an ogre and hurls an axe at the mage - Mage's arm is torn off - Thamior just rolls his eyes and looks edgy - Phillet fishes out the sunken warrior, who splutters back to consciousness - Mercenaries are fully neutralised, the merchant crew wisely elect to surrender half their cargo - Captain escorts the party as they go sniffing around, Locke detects a potent magical source sealed within a cylinder - Egdar goes and hides behind a crate while the others open it - It's a monkey's paw, with one finger already broken - Captain is apalled - Young merchant looks ill - Turns out he'd wished for more valuable cargo to sell, and the paw gave him slaves - He sold them in "Under-God's-Eyes" and swore he'd save up the money to buy them back and free them, but now the ship's been raided he won't have enough - He becomes hysterical, I attempt to calm him but it's not my forte, so I anaesthetise him instead - He drowsily reveals that the passphrase for the black markets of Under-Gods-Eyes is "god's wallet", but one should try to give it surreptitiously - He passes out - Call in the Rumgon crew to take our share back to the Rumgon, bid the captain safe travels and depart Session 12 [Catchup]: "CHEESED TO MEET YA" Egdar's Recollection: - sea_shanty_2.mp3 - Final day, Layddr is growing on the horizon - Around are fishing boats, merchant ships, and the occasional armed escort - Patrol approaches the Rumgon, asks us to identify - "How do you do, fellow merchants?" - Rumgon slows to a polite saunter as K'pan pilots between other craft - Egdar slopes off to his quarters to study the magical pick he retrieved from the last raid - It's a Pick of Piercing, that digs through earth like butter and punctures magical shields like a sheet of lead - Locke sniffs out magical shennanigans and asks to study it too - "Sure, just don't break it" - As day breaks, we pull into the Port of Geese, the smell of fish hanging heavy in the air - K'pan warns everyone to stay incognito, as the place is very busy and probably very secure - S U C C - Internal oozy fibres reel in my hanging flab and swellings, leaving me looking sickly but otherwise normal - Nothing to be done about the smell though - Head down the gangplank and are engulfed into the city - Dragonborns puffing colourful plumes in a sideshow, merchants agressively proffering their wares - Reach into britches and extract shopping list - Squint, because alcoholism - [Painter's supplies, clerical gubbins, hand crossbow(?), custom staff (expensive)] - Some goblin in a nearby alley is VERY excited about the cheese they're selling - We mosey up and are loudly informed that MOON CHEESE is available - It was purportedly harvested from the moon by a foulmouthed wizard - ill_take_your_entire_stock.gif - 10GP a piece - OK f*ck that, 6GP, tops - Haggling ensues, goes nowhere - Locke wants to go check out the religious quarter, I say I'll join - Arcana wants to go find transportation for any liberated slaves that we might have to take on the run, K'pan agrees to mind them - They slip away into the crowds, towards the creakier shops and coffeehouses - We decide to take a thorough look through the religious suppliers' stores, since hey, it's a day out, and there *is* a cult on the loose - Buy some medical supplies from an Aasimar, some candles of Deneir from a Human (because hey, they have an eye-ish symbol on them, maybe I can scrape it out and turn it into a sign of Ghaunadaur), and some glass vials from a slightly buffer Human - Locke buys a few bits and bobs also - Step into an unusually empty shop, "The 12" - Instantly recognised as an android and a slimehusk by the proprietor - Immediately offered Underdark wares - Seems legit, but sure - Merchant brings out a roll of genuinely fascinating trinkets from the back - Counting of coins and some modest budgeting ensues - Elect to purchase a coded Undercommon diary because it bears a moon symbol, reminiscent of the amulet I found on those dead mercenaries on that drifting wreck that was left in the wake of the Noamuth (where we found Naked Jim) - DM definitely intended that connection - Merchant picks it up and reveals a withered Drow hand still gripping the spine - Awesome - Don't have the 75GP asking price, merchant proposes a trade - Most of our goods are back on the Rumgon but I offer my Wine o' the Wilds because when will I ever urgently need to speak Sylvan - Locke offers his freshly written copy of an explosives manual - "Oh, also there's this" - I pull out the mysterious foul-smelling black incense pyramid that I just woke up with one day in the Underdark (It's been sitting in my pockets ever since) - Merchant retches and offers to make our deal right now if I leave and take that thing with me - f*cking sold Session 13: "'Grappling the goose' is not a euphemism" Egdar's Recollection: - Bundled out of the 12 and into the midday sun - The salty sea air is starting to play with Locke's gears, and the heat with his processor - He needs to do a little self-maintainance back at the Rumgon, but we can swing by the arts quarter first - Art shops have the typical clientele, a few slow-walking hipsters and snobs - A dwarf is frowning at some cubist paintings in the window of a Tiefling's store - Appeal to the dwarven love of geology and pitch the interpretation that all subjects can be reduced to their elemental chunks and crystals - Dwarf admits that he secretly prefers the Elf Noveau style - No time to get bogged down in conversation, sadly - I bid him good day and step inside to buy an assortment of art materials - While I'm there, show the names I found on the paintings we found and ask if any of them are locals - Shopkeep is too embarrassed to admit knowing where to find erotic art and I don't have time to tease out answers - Take my things and bid good day - Arrive back at the Rumgon to find K'pan spectating a spar between Ripper Jack and Naked Jim - Locke rattles off to oil his joints - K'pan has rented a camel and wagon but they're back in town somewhere - Arcana is nowhere to be seen, apparently Thamior turned up so K'pan decided it was safe to bunk off - "Well, hopefully he's staying out of trouble." - *Screaming and yelling in distance* - picard_riker_double_facepalm.gif - Jim looks up and catches a blade in the arm from Jack - "Remember when you warned everybody to keep a low profile? We can't take that guy anywhere..." - Thamior drops down from the rigging, a black cat comes running up the gangplank, and frenzied guards pour into the dockyard - Cat liquefies and morphs back into Arcana, who explains that he tried to fight a group of bounty hunters that were searching for us. On his own. As a cat. By eating one of them. In broad daylight. - jontron_turn.gif - "There's a price on our heads *everywhere*. We're *pirates*." - Guards start splitting up to search any ships currently docked - Group of 6 or so march up the gangplank and demand entry to search for a shapeshifting predator - I demand warrant, am ignored - Try to divert them to another ship, crit fail, accidentally spit up a pseudopod and a live fish - Try to play it off, change the subject; party pitch in with their own lies, Thamior Persuades with advantage and rolls 1 twice - 'It could be one of you guards', 'Egdar's just sick', 'Shapeshifting is a common ability in commercial magical areas, finding one here won't prove anything', 'We're just transporting an exotic magical creature for a wealthy collector and it ran away', 'This is just an excuse for racially motivated harassment', 'Any terrorist in the town would more likely be one of the displaced indigenous people and have retreated inland, not fled to the ocean' - Thamior turns into a leopard to demonstrate - Guards look at each other and decide they should just quarantine the Rumgon and set it on fire; one is dispatched to fetch a torch - Seriously consider just weighing anchor and fleeing the city - Wonder if a love potion will still work if you administer it by force - One of the guards CONVENIENTLY admits to being thirsty - Alright, Hail Juiblex time - Uncork Alarune mead and offer to bribe the guards with vintage booze - 'Demonstrate' it's 'safe' by taking a swig - Tank Constitution save - Thirsty Guard steps forward to try some - Thirsty Guard gets 20 on the save and is unharmed, passes it along - Less Thirsty Guard tries some and fails, is charmed and percieves me as their true love... their friend's wife, apparently - Less Thirsty Guard starts acting shy and the others are immediately suspicious, (correctly) believing that he's been drugged - "Oh, gee, guess he's suffering heatstroke! You boys had best get him home!" - Alex the Guard with the Torch returns with the torch - Handwave any further questions and try to gently shoo the guards back down the gangplank - Alex passes the torch to Winston the Leader, Winston throws the torch and misses; it splutters quietly in the water - Winston is visibly deflated and probably considering whether this is worth his paycheck - Gives us an ultimatum: Tell the truth or the ship is getting blasted into splinters by the harbour defenses - "Fine, Arcana ate that guy because he'd been contracted to kill everyone in our party. Apparently. I was just buying damned candles. K'pan was renting a camel." - Thamior presents the sloppy description note that the bounty hunter had been carrying - Winston is unconvinced but says he'll be check our alibis with the merchants we visited, we're not to leave the jurisdiction - He also needs a good motive for the bounty - Explain in detail, with the omission of all the piracy: We received an illicit tip about the God's Eyes underground slave market, were provided the password, and as a party probably have the skills required to investigate and potentially bust the trafficking ring. We were simply stocking up on our way inland when Arcana spotted the bounty hunter - they may or may not be an agent of the traffickers, but this is a tense operation against powerful people, so he got jumpy and acted irrationally. We tried to cover for him because we didn't want our investigation to be discovered, but now it is, we'll share any information we find, or credit we receive - Winston can tell we're crooks but does believe the story - Narrows his eyes and tells us that this is our only warning; we'll be closely watched - Also, the shifter should scream and pretend to die before changing forms so that the guards can save face and the public can be reassured that the daylight man-eating beast is dead - Arcana crosses his arms and refuses to comply - K'pan slams his heavy, booted foot onto Arcana's - Arcana just winces and poutily "glunvhs" [sic] his teeth - "You know what, lads? Just take him." - Egdar gingerly steps past the assembled guards and walks back down to the port, invites K'pan and Thamior to follow - Winston scratches his head, sighs, makes a note of Arcana's identity and takes his team away, announcing the death of the monster